Courtesy of Meagan O. Photography
http://www.meaganophotography.com/
(Either six days late, or one day early. Your call!) A Friday ritual. A single photo, no words, capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
A Friday ritual. A single photo, no words, capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
She’s being kind. Which is much more a sign of character than mere niceness. Kindness connects to who you are, while niceness connects to how you want to be seen.
- David Levithan
Newest addition/craft project on this rainy Saturday afternoon.
A Friday ritual. A single photo, no words, capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
A Friday ritual. A single photo, no words, capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
Where the majority of my writing has been taking place these days.
Sorry, blog. :(
Their produce delivery guy friend has arrived to deliver produce to the restaurant.
I enjoying hearing him talk to the cats because I don’t think he realizes I’m here.
“Hey, cats! There are my guys.”
We have the most well-liked and popular kitties on the block. The wait staff from the restaurant talks to them through the screen in the window when they’re out back on break and when we go eat there (well, more like just drink because it is too expensive haha), they ask about the cats and tell everyone in the back that “The owners of the pretty white cat and the adorable black cat are here.”
I bet they don’t even know our names. That’s okay.
Greg and I celebrated our four year anniversary on Tuesday by going to the local estate/antique shop and “thrifting” for a new side table and eating dinner at Café Alsace—the restaurant he took me to the night he proposed. It was a perfect romantic, low-key celebration. That seems to be more our style as of late, which is okay with me!
Side table and lamp – thrifted on our anniversary. Mirror – Ikea. Vase and flowers – previous thrift
Speaking of low key, we went to Blue Ridge and stayed in a cabin over my birthday weekend instead of throwing a birthday bash, so it was just the two of us in a cozy cabin with AMAZING views. Greg made me breakfast on my birthday and we ate on the screened-in porch, sitting on the swing while looking out at the amazing view. We even got to sit in a fancy hot tub, sipping wine, looking at the mountains and Greg grilled out for the first time ever. It only took us 45 minutes to figure out the grill…. We also found a knife next to said hot tub when we first arrived…so that was a little creepy, but we reassured ourselves it wasn’t an omen of any sort. We went apple-picking at Mercier Orchards for the first time on Friday, my actual birthday–I was only able to get a few serene shots because since the weather is still so warm in Georgia, there were yellow jackets EVERYWHERE in the apple orchard. Let’s just say I was a little paranoid the entire time (read, on the verge of tears because I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to yellow jackets and they gross me out). We did go to the orchards grocery store and get some yummy organic apple butter, hard apple cider, baking mixes and other goodies…including a new friend we named Apple, in honor of our apple-picking and the name of our cabin “Apple Creek.”
Birthday breakfast of eggs and soy-sage 
View from our porch swing
Our homey kitchen
Living room
Hot tub
Grill master Schreier
One of the serene views of the orchard
Hard apple cider made up for the yellow jacket scare
Excited for apple picking. Unaware of the yellow jackets that await us.
Our chariot (tractor) we rode on to the apple trees
WTF knife??
Rainy morning the day we left
They told us to watch for bears…but we think Apple is okay. He seemed pretty harmless.
I’m afraid we’re becoming homebodies, but I guess there’s nothing wrong with that—especially since our home has become more “homey” and we really love spending time there! We’ve been doing some updates around the house lately, e.g., more decorations, new rugs, new pillows, new CURTAINS(!) and new furniture. It’s really starting to come together and feel more like home.
In more exciting news, we finally set the date for our wedding and booked the venue (as well as put down the deposit…oh, boy $$$), but it’s real! It’s happening! On this date next year, Greg and I will be frantically putting all the final details together to prepare for the wedding celebration to happen that evening. October 13, 2013, is the official date (we thought October would be appropriate given that is the month we started dating and the weather in Georgia is pretty awesome in October…not as much sweating through the dress) and we are having it at the Dekalb History Center – The Historic Courthouse on the Square in Decatur.” Yes, we decided to have it on a Sunday. I really don’t know why that is considered “taboo”? It doesn’t really matter to us, as long as we get married to each other. The main reason we’re having it on a Sunday is because it is A LOT cheaper than on a Saturday. (Again, I don’t get it. Why is that day so important?) Also, every Saturday in October of next year is booked! Already! I couldn’t believe that–I thought we were ahead of the game by planning a year in advance! Oh well. All I know is for how much cheaper it is, we couldn’t pass that up.
We just signed our life away! It’s real!
The meeting and tour and contract-signing went down without a hitch. The venue was beautiful, the staff very nice and helpful; however, we did almost get hit by a car on the way out while walking through a cross walk in downtown Decatur (of all places!)…again, like the knife by the hot tub, we’re hoping that isn’t an omen of some sort. I’m looking forward to brainstorming more creative wedding ideas and getting that ball rolling. Everything is much easier now that we have the date set and the venue locked down. I’m hoping this means everything will fall into place.
We are thinking of starting a wedding website since we are going to have so many out of town guests, though are afraid of coming across as pretentious assholes. More to come on that front.
On another note, I started dance classes at a studio called Dance 101 and it’s been an absolute blast! Since I quit smoking two months ago, I decided to get a membership there in an effort to be healthy. I hate gyms and treadmills and running…so I thought this would be a fun alternative. They have professional classes and classes for beginners, including cardio-infused dance classes. So far, I have taken salsa, “cardio jazz,” regular jazz and even ballet! They also offer tap, broadway, gangnam (?) hip hop, reggaeton and yoga. So with that, I must end this so I can make it to my 10:30 Salsa class.
I didn’t realize I would feel this depressed. I am annoyed with life. I am annoyed with myself. I want to punch everyone in sight. I want to hug everyone in sight. I laugh for no reason and then, suddenly, I feel like my life is over and I sob and hug myself in desperation…because I feel like I lost my best friend. I think I made the right decision, ending this relationship. I hope I made the right choice.
At the beginning, I THOUGHT you were always there for me through everything. You were there for me when I was happy, nervous, scared, bored, sad or anxious. You were there for me when I lost my job and there for me before and after countless interviews. You were there for me when I wanted to give up and were there for me when I finally landed a full time career. I could always count on you. You led me to believe I was in control of my own happiness, but that’s where you got me. I was only in control of my own happiness as long as you were around, thus, you really controlled me.
Little did I know, you were sneaking around behind my back, planning to ruin my life later on down the road and were emotionally abusing me by making me dependent on your friendship. I had to be with you daily and I couldn’t go anywhere without you–I could never do anything on my own. I had to know and check that you were right there with me at all times. I couldn’t make any decisions for myself, I had to consult you. I couldn’t make any longterm commitments with anything or anyone else because I would miss you terribly and you knew this. I had to work my schedule around your schedule. You wouldn’t let me do things like get in shape, or even laugh, without reminding me of your presence.
I had to keep you a secret from my family. We both knew what my family would think of our relationship if they knew how I was treated mentally and physically. If my family knew, they would have told me to get out of this relationship a long time ago–would have told me to never have even started it in the first place.
So, instead of being blindsided down the road like in my past relationship, I’m the one who took the lead on this one. I breaking it off. I’m ending it.
I’m trying, but like any bad break up, I am still feeling raw. I’m remembering all the good times and conveniently forgetting the bad–like remembering how much fun we had hanging out in my car together all that time, keeping each other company. Remembering all of those important events we shared together, sharing my happiness and successes with you–only to conveniently forget the terrible things you would do to me. I still don’t feel quite like myself and I feel like something is missing. It feels like there is a huge part of myself, my life, that is gone–especially since I wasted seven years of my life getting to know you and sharing our lives together.
This loneliness makes me want to go back, just one more time, for closure. But I know, like before, I’ll end up feeling worse and more alone than ever because it just won’t feel the same and I’ll be reminded of why it ended in the first place.
Like with my previous break up, it will take me a while to get used to you not being there and it will take me a while to realize you really aren’t coming back. In the past, it took time for me to become an independent person again, but as time went on and the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how bad that previous relationship was for me. It made me weak, meek and not my personal best. The good times and memories will fade away and I’ll begin to remember how bad it truly was with you.
I’ll have to learn to be independent and my own person without you. Only then will I find my true friends, loves and passions. I’ll find something great, something that makes me feel whole and wonderful and that I can do anything. Something that makes me feel strong. Something that makes me feel worthwhile and not scared, anxious, and easily sickened. Something that isn’t killing me, mentally or physically, and lets me be my own person where I’m free to be myself and do what I want on my own time and not have to answer to them. Something that makes me love myself and feel comfortable in my own skin, just like when I found Greg.
So goodbye cigarettes. I thought we were a perfect match, but I was sorely mistaken. You made me feel like I couldn’t live without you–that I needed you. But, like getting over a bad break up, I have to remember that this will get easier with time and soon, I wont even think about you at all. You will be a distant memory and something better will come along. Getting rid of you is a sign of loving myself and taking care of myself. I just have to take it one day at a time. The ache will go away. The longing will fade. It will get easier every day and soon, I will truly be free.
