The bubbling toilet of doom

The last tenants who lived here came home to a completely flooded apartment after being on vacation for a week.  The furniture was ruined–some of if floating down stream.  It was like coming home to a hot, murky swamp.  G. and I were told about this incident up-front by the landlord who was trying to lease this apartment to us.  The floors are warped from the last incident, but “they have fixed the problem and it shouldn’t happen again–but here is $200 off of rent per month for the ‘quirks’ and the warped floors.  However, if you hear a ‘glug, glug, glug’ noise, please call emergency maintenance immediately so the flooding doesn’t happen again. It shouldn’t, but, you know, just in case.”  What a great deal, right? $200 off?  And the problem was fixed?  This is such great luck!  We’re short on cash right now and we LOVE the location and the feel of the place.  It is fixed right? Awesome!

Or so we thought.

Apparently, the construction zone in front of our door from my last post is related to this “fixed” plumbing problem from before.  The toilet starting making the god forsaken, “glug, glug, glug…” noise last week.  I called emergency maintenance and was informed that I should get a plunger and that should take care of it.

Um, excuse me, but, this problem is not because I’m shoving 50 pounds of toilet paper down my toilet, or because G. had the most epic bowel movement of all time.  NO!  If that was the case, do you really think I am naive or shallow enough to think I need emergency maintenance to come and teach me how to plunge a toilet?  I am not ashamed, I’ve clogged a toilet in my day, who hasn’t?  I’m pretty sure I would know if that was the problem.  But, the maintenance guy on the phone told me to not be embarrassed and it happens to the best of us.

I tried to explain to him that our landlord told me explicitly, to call emergency maintenance whenever I heard the “glug, glug, glug” noise and that they would know what I was talking about and fix it right away.

He said, “He’d look into it,” and never called me back.

My landlord emailed me two days later and said it had been fixed again, however, if I hear the noise again, call maintenance immediately and they’ll know what to do this time.  They were informed about this problem.

Which brings me to about thirty minutes ago.  Just as I was sitting down to write–something else actually–I began to hear the noise.  So, like I was told, I called emergency maintenance.

As I sit here, I am hearing the horrifying “glug, glug, glug” noise while the cats are batting at the toilet, then running away, and I’m freaking out.  I left the emergency maintenance guys a message again, and this time, I received a call from someone who had to have been Larry the Cable guy on the other end of the phone.

He informed me he had no idea what was going on, but he assumed that’s why they “dun tore up duh cown-creete in front of yawls door.” He said he had to call his boss, who knows all about the situation apparently, and he would call me right back.

What felt like hours later, I receive a phone call from Larry saying his boss “ain’t answerin’ his dayum phown.”

After this, our conversation went as follows:

Me: Well, what do you think the problem is and what should I do to make sure the toilet doesn’t flood my entire apartment overnight tonight or while I’m at work tomorrow?  Can I even use the toilet?  Can I shower?

Larry: You see, er’yone’s doin’ dishes n’ the pahpes (pipes?) backed up.  Could be air, er  I’unno what but we’ll get ta fixin’ it in the mornin’

Me: …Okayyy…Well, do you think it’s going to flood?

Larry: Maybe, I’unno *giggle*

Me: Should I turn that knob behind the toilet to keep the water from coming out in the middle of the night?

Larry: Why would yah dew that?

Me: So it doesn’t flood?

Larry: Oh, well now I don’ think that’ll help yah.

Me: Okay…well, what should I do to fix it until you guys get out here in the morning?  Can I use the toilet?

Larry:  I’unno ma’am.  Just call me anytime if it does though and I’ll see if I can try and fix that sucker up right for ya.

Me: Alrighty then.  Thank you for your help.

Larry: No problem, ma’am, now you have a great night, ya hear?

Me: WAIT! CAN I USE THE TOILET?

Larry: CLICK

Oh, I hear.  I hear loud and clear. I hear that noise getting louder and louder and lasting longer and longer every five minutes.  It looks like molten lava bubbling up in a lake after a volcano erupts, like in that movie Dante’s Peak.

I also don’t know whether or not I am allowed to use the bathroom in my own apartment, or even take a shower for that matter.

I also just realized, I bet all of my neighbors think I’m “that girl who stopped up her toilet so bad they had to do massive construction.”  That explains why they stare at me blankly when I say hello to them as I stand next to the debris. Or they just think I’m a weirdo who says hi to people–because really, who does THAT anymore…good manners? What’s that? HA!

This is all G.’s fault for going out of town.  I know it.



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